You shouldn’t have lost your sweet stepmom, the one you chose over me. The one who loved you and your dad, and obviously earned all the love and respect of the family… even though I’m the one who brought you both back from the desert. I delivered your dad back into his mama’s dysfunctional arms. I’ve begged your grandmother to say something on my behalf. To plead with you to maintain a relationship with my parents even if you judge and blame me and hate me for an unknown million reasons.

It should have been me who died this summer, not in your father’s arms, but some brutal massacre-y way. I should have been decapitated in a car accident.

because you know what?!?? At least then MY dad wouldn’t be struggling with life related issues. He could bury me and be done with it. He would possibly be able to reflect on how he could have hugged me last week, told be he cherished me enough to spend time with me this weekend.

but-no- I don’t get MY dad either, if I were gone instead of Jess, everyone could be happier.